Learn To Fly
by Cyhyr
Summary: Jump away, leave the weight of the world behind... Sounds like an advertisement for suicide. Angsty AkuRoku fluff. Oneshot. Rated for language, suicide themes.


Learn To Fly

Eternal sunset. How the hell does anyone sleep around here? Blackout curtains in every room, I suppose. People always say that the sun is brightest at noon, or early afternoon. Watching this sunset, though, I beg to differ; sunset is the brightest time the sun shines. Like it purposefully shines brighter because it knows that it will soon be gone from sight.

The sun must have a huge ego.

I look down from my ledge on top of the train station; how would it feel to fall? Would it be like flying, like that sensation they say you get after the cord on an elevator is cut, and you start falling? That feeling of weightlessness, do people who jump off buildings get that same feeling?

Jump away, leave the weight of the world behind. Sounds like an advertisement for suicide.

My feet are dangling over the edge. The blood caught there weights them down, lead legs. Maybe, lead legs are the way to escape dying from jumping off a building; you still have weight, so maybe you won't die? I look out to the sun again.

Stupid head, stop thinking about that.

But, what else is there to think about? It's not like anyone in the organization cares. No one's found me here yet, and I left two days ago… I think. The sunset has royally screwed my concept of time over. I wouldn't know if I'd been here two minutes or two years; what's the difference, anyway, for a Nobody? Why should time matter?

We all fade at the end of our non-existence anyway.

Why does time matter to the others? The people with hearts, why do they care so much about time? They run around like tomorrow might not come, and for what? To do it all again the next day? I sound like a little kid, asking questions like this.

Except, little kids have reasoning behind their questions. They _have_ to find out about their world, or they might not be able to survive in the adult world.

Could I survive in the adult world?

Questions again, Roxas. I smile at myself; so utterly stupid.

Yep, it's true. No one in the organization cares. They'd have found me by now if they did. I do the math in my head; if I fell asleep twice, that means that either I was really tired today, or two days have passed. No one's come to find me.

Hello weightlessness. How are you today? We've never met before?

I'd love to make your acquaintance.

I stand up; no one cares. Toes over the edge, I crouch over. Should I go headfirst, or feet-first? I feel rain on my face- why is the rain sticky? I blink and look up. No rain.

How am I crying? I've no heart to feel with.

"Roxas!"

Who's that? I turn around, still crouched. The organization cloak doesn't tell me much, but the hair does. "Axel?"

"Roxas, where have you been? I've been to this world at least five times, looking for you." He sits next to me, still oblivious to the salty rain under my eyes. He won't look at me. I don't care.

I answer. "I've been right here. Watching the sunset. It hasn't gone down yet." Was that a subconscious plea for help? I've been right here, but don't worry, I haven't jumped off yet.

Did he catch the subconscious plea?

"It won't go down. This is Twilight Town, the sun never sets here," Axel said. Nope, he didn't catch it. He finally turns to look at me, but I turn away- I don't want him seeing me with salt irritating my skin. I don't want _anyone_ seeing me like this. "What were you really doing, Roxas? I know you know that the sun never sets here."

Aw, drat. He caught me.

I stand up, not bothering to answer his question. He doesn't care, he _can't_ care. I go to another ledge, stand on it, and teeter on the edge of "should I tell him what I was doing" and "should I just jump now" and can't decide.

Wait, what's there to decide?

I fall forward. I hear Axel scream my name behind me, but I can't care. This is exactly how I though it would be; the weightlessness, the wind passing my face, everything. My legs are not leaden anymore, though. I can't feel my hands or my feet. I think my head's gonna explode, though. The pressure's too much… I wasn't thinking of this. I didn't think that my head would throb as I fell.

The ground is close.

I never hit it. Axel's right there, and I hit his arms. He must have made a portal to get down here so fast. My head still hurts as he sets me down on my feet. I can't stand upright- my legs have become jelly. He puts an arm around me and summons a portal, walking me through it. We come out in my room, and he puts me on the bed.

Attempting suicide tires you out…

"Roxas, are you ok?"

No, fuckhead, I'm not ok.

"Yeah. Thanks for catching me…" I turn into my pillow. My head still hurts.

He doesn't get off the edge of my bed. He sits there. I can feel him watch me as I try to sleep. Or fake sleeping. I slow my breathing down, so it looks like I'm sleeping, wipe my face of all tension. I hope I look asleep. His hand moves to my side, resting there.

There's something in that touch. The pressure? The heat that Axel's always radiating off?

My chest hurts…

"Roxas… Whatever made you resort to this… it can't be that bad."

He knows. He knows that I fell on purpose. Axel… can't hide anything from that guy. He probably knows I'm faking sleep, too. "Yeah, it can."

"It'll get better."

"No. It won't."

"Yes, it will."

I stop trying to argue with him. "I only wanted to know how it would feel to fall. It was almost what I anticipated; except for the throbbing headache I've got now, I had it right."

That's the truth. So, yeah, I don't like being reminded every day that I don't have a heart. So, I don't like being reminded every day that I have no emotions. _You can't feel, Roxas!_ I really just wanted to know what it would feel like. As much as I hate my life, I like living. Axel can't understand.

Wait, maybe he can.

"Why?"

Take that back. I open up an eye, but close it quickly; the light in my room burns.

"'Cause it's a _feeling_."

Axel says nothing to this. He keeps his hand on my side. My chest still hurts. We sit in silence. I almost fall asleep. "Roxas, are you feeling ok?"

"Why shouldn't I? I just jumped off a building and have a headache. I feel _great_." Note the sarcasm.

"You're not as pale as you usually are."

I stop breathing for a bit. There's something pounding in my ears. Axel's hand moves from my side to my chest. I'm sure he'd be smiling at me, but I can't open my eyes.

_Thump-thump, Thump-thump_.

Axel gets up from my bed with a pat on my side. I open an eye, however painful it is, and see him retreating. I stop him before he leaves. "Axel…"

"What?"

"I can catch you."

He turns back to me, and smiles. "Thanks, Roxas, but I've already found a way to feel." I'm puzzled. He walks back to me and sits in front of me, leans down, and whispers in my ear: "But, I could use your help."

I open my mouth to answer, but he pushes his own on mine. When he probes my lip for entrance, I grant it to him, and our tongues meet in a slow greeting. He puts a hand on my waist, and I pull him down on top of me. I thread my fingers through his hair, loving how I can put emotion into this kiss.

He pulls away slowly, coming back every other second for another peck or the occasional tongue meeting. I wait while he stops breathing for a moment; he smiles and takes my hand, putting it on his chest.

_Thump-thump, Thump-thump._

I fall back into the pillow, Axel holding me to his chest. He strokes my hair as I fall asleep to the beating of our new hearts.

* * *

_**When you step to the ledge of all the light you have left, and you take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you might believe one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you step upon, or you will learn how to fly.**_

* * *

Disclaimer: I'm not smart enough to own Kingdom Hearts. 

A/N: I wanted to kill Roxas again… the kid refused to die properly… it bugs me sooo bad… But, there's a sappy oneshot for you all. Yeah, I should be working on Ch. 7 for Old Enough but Kittee was whispering this in my ear, and I couldn't concentrate unless I was writing this. Now that it's out, I'm going to finish Ch. 7 before anything else gets written. I promise.


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